wedding Vows Book

Private wedding vows.
Why and how to write them and how to exchange them.

As time has passed, more couples are choosing to have intimate wedding celebrations like micro-weddings, elopements and first-look shoots to capture special moments. Private wedding vows are also becoming increasingly popular among couples who seek a more personal and heartfelt exchange of promises.

What are wedding vows?

Consider them as your very own wedding love letters. These intimate promises can relate to any aspect of life, including your relationship, career goals, personal growth, and spiritual beliefs. Private vows can be a lovely way to enhance the connection between two individuals on their special day.

Why write secret vows?

Couples choose to write private vows to share their deepest thoughts and emotions with each other without feeling pressure from family and friends.

Private vows allow couples to keep personal promises and declarations separate from the standard ceremony vows, giving them a chance to express their love in a more intimate and private way.

To be clear, these secret vows are not replacing the standard wedding ceremony vows. They’re elaborating on them.

Your private wedding vows are important to me as your photographer for several reasons. This is my opportunity to capture your true emotions, affection, and love.

Secret Vows

Photo: Soulmatesstudio – Premier NYC wedding photographer.

B’s humor and professionalism made us feel so comfortable

Naddine & Max

How to craft the perfect private vows?

Jane Austen once wrote, “if I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more.” It’s not always easy to put the words together, even when they matter most.

Take a moment to think about the things that bring a smile to your face, like your favorite stories, moments, memories, places, nicknames, and promises. Once you’ve written these down, arrange them in a way that feels natural to you.

Crafting your wedding vows is a unique experience with no strict rules. Draw inspiration from your past experiences and future aspirations to create something truly authentic and personal. From the moment you met to exchanging your vows, the possibilities are endless.

Tips on starting to write personal wedding vows?

If you’re struggling to come up with something meaningful to write, answering questions about your significant other can be a helpful starting point.

  • Where did you first meet and how do you remember that moment?
  • How did you feel about your first kiss? 
  • What do you remember about the day you first told them you loved them? 
  • How do they make you better? 
  • What are the things you love the most about them? 
  • Why can’t you see your life without your partner in it?
Secret Wedding Vows

Photo: Soulmatesstudio – Premier NYC wedding photographer.

To make your wedding vows more unique, you may want to include the following.

  • Silly, funny stories, or inside jokes,
  • Shared, meaningful memories of dates, vacations, and other events,
  • Quotes or nicknames that are special to the two of you, 
  • Heartfelt promises of things you’ll always do for your significant other.

These are the types of memories that make for unique, romantic wedding vows. 

Looking ahead now, what are some of the things the two of you have promised for your future together?

These can be small, sweet promises, like “I promise to always make you coffee in the mornings, just the way you like it,” or “I promise never to go to bed angry.”

But they can be silly too, like “I promise to try and pick my socks up off the floor,” or “I promise not to watch that new TV show without you.”

Private wedding vowes templets.

Have you ever considered using templates for your wedding vows?

While it may seem like an easy way out, every relationship is unique and deserves a personal touch. Starting from a template can be a helpful tool, but remember to add your own personal touches, inside jokes, and heartfelt promises that are unique to your relationship.

wedding Love letters

Photo: Soulmatesstudio – Premier NYC wedding photographer.

Here are some templates that you might want to start from.


As our wedding day fast approaches, I can’t help but reflect on where we started and how we got here. The first time we met, I felt ______. And every day since then, my feelings for you have grown, evolved, and expanded. 

Can I just say, ever since [year/event/etc.] I’ve had this feeling that we were meant to be together forever. Your [kindness/humor/thoughtfulness/generosity/etc.] makes my heart skip a beat every time. I just love doing things like [cooking/laughing/traveling/etc.] with you because you make everything so much more fun! It is my hope that we will have the privilege of continuing to do these things together and grow alongside each other for many years to come.

I will always remember [that one special story, place, or vacation, the day your significant other proposed, etc.] And I look forward to ___ in our future. I promise to always [list five things here, like “love you, care for you, send you memes while you’re working, help shovel the drive, and wait for you to watch that next season on Netflix.]


Dear ____, 

I fell in love with you ___ years ago because of your [smile, laugh, kindness, or another quality.] And now that we’ve been together so long, there are so many more things I love about you. [List some examples.] You’re my person. 

You never fail to make me feel special, even when I’m [hangry, tired, messy.] And I’ll spend the rest of my days trying to make you feel special, too. I promise never to make you watch [that one show or movie], and always to [cook your favorite meal, kiss you goodnight, share funny stories.] 

I am so _____ that I get to marry you.  

You get
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Ways to exchange private vows.

The exchange of vows is a deeply personal and intimate moment that sets the tone for the rest of the wedding ceremony. For some couples, exchanging letters before the ceremony is a special way to share their excitement and anticipation.

Wedding Secret Vows

Photo: Soulmatesstudio – Premier NYC wedding photographer.

Others prefer to ask their bridesmaids or groomsmen to pass along their letters while they’re getting ready, adding an element of fun and surprise to the occasion. And then, some choose to exchange their vows in unconventional settings, such as mountaintops, parks, or even drive-thrus.

Wedding vow letters

Photo: Soulmatesstudio – Premier NYC wedding photographer.

If it’s the location that matters more, you may already have a place in mind. It may be the bar or restaurant where you went on your first date, the cabin where you got snowed in during that special Valentine’s Day weekend away, or the hiking trail where you got engaged.  

Planning a special day together is more meaningful and enjoyable. Pick a time and place that is significant to both of you, and take the time to carefully plan it out.

Ultimately, the beauty of a wedding is that it is a celebration of your unique love story, and you are free to exchange your vows in whatever way feels most authentic to you.

When to exchange wedding promises?

When the time is right, you can share your wedding vows on your big day or any other day and location that’s special to you both. You can keep it intimate and exchange vows at the venue or plan a unique moment leading up to the wedding day. It’s bound to be an unforgettable and magical experience.

Consider incorporating your vows into your first look or reveal. Without peeking, you and your partner can stand back to back and feel the closeness. This experience is deeply personal because you can hear and touch each other without seeing one another. After reading your private vows and turning around, the magnitude of the moment becomes enormous.

Secret Wedding vows kiss

Photo: Soulmatesstudio – Premier NYC wedding photographer.

Wrapping up.

Whether you’re writing secret vows to exchange during your wedding ceremony, before the ceremony, or at another time and place, the key is to put love and care into them and not worry too much about them being perfect. 

Love is not perfect. It is beautiful and magical and messy. Your vows may be, too. Read each draft aloud as you finish it. Does it feel too long, too short, or just right? Trust your instincts because this is a deeply personal process, and there is no right or wrong way to write your wedding vows. The effort is what matters. 

Once you’ve got your personal wedding vows written just the way you want them, consider investing in a decorative vow book to copy them down in. Writing things by hand makes it easier for us to remember them, and a pretty or decorative vow book will double as a keepsake for your soulmate to treasure forever.

Happy writing, and best wishes for a wonderful future together!

Modern Catskills Wedding

Photo: Soulmatesstudio – Premier NYC wedding photographer. Catskills Wedding Venue.

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